Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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