I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
