I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
