So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
