my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
