Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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