you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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