I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
