He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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