I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
