Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
