she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
