The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
