if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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