Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
