he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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