your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
