And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
