I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
