How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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