i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
