I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
