ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
