i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
