Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
