Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
