So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
