Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
