there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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