My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
