Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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