So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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