my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
