We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
