Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
