Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
