I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
