Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
