It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
