my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
