Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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