Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
