today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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