My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
