I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
