I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
