Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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