I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
