this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
