i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
