Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
