Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want a musical about memes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
